


feverdreams

by Khrysaetos



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Fever, Gen, PTSD, Short One Shot, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khrysaetos/pseuds/Khrysaetos
Summary: Alone, with nothing to hold him together but the Force, Maul had survived. Now that he is safe, his guard - and immune system - start to fail.
Relationships: Darth Maul & Savage Opress
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35
Collections: Maul





	feverdreams

**Author's Note:**

> Ya know how when you're really stressed for a really long time, as soon as things finally settle down you get incredibly sick? Just me?

Had the other one been here all this time?

Yellow and black, flame and soot. Dirty gold. Eyes in the shadows.

Where was the first? The nightmare? Hooded darkness whose absence and presence were equally cruel. Maul had changed, mind and body, shedding ambitions as he fled, trying to cover his trail.

Or trying to leave one?

There were times when he thought he had awoken. Not from any light, or any sudden noise. Just from the silence. It was waiting, he could feel it. It told him there was no one there, no one following him, no danger. He knew it was a lie.

It had happened too often before. Rest was bait for a trap. Safety was a tranquilizing drug that dulled the senses.

But what else could he have done? It had been the first hand offered to him that held no weapon, no lightning sparking between the claws. Of course Maul had taken it. Something still remained in him stronger than the fear. So basic and instinctual that no training could stamp it out.

And yet - he felt like he had stolen something precious. He was not allowed to have it. Savage was a lure, an illusion, a test.

But Savage was all he had.

Sidious was gone. Maul had fallen out of his reach. The emptiness left behind was more rackingly dark than the vacuum of space. Still, years later, Maul couldn’t decide which was worse: being lost from Sidious, or being found.

There were the things Maul had learned: Control. Discipline. Distrust.

Then there were the things he had always known: Survival. Defense. The instinct that had kept him alive when he had lost his legs, his mind, and his life, all in one slash of a glowing green blade.

Fever robbed him of the former. It was almost a mercy. Free from the boundaries Sidious had crammed him into.

Free and falling apart. Only the fear his Master had given him was left. The flinching at any movement, and guilt at any pleasure.

The face that called him _brother_ never left. Maul clung to the gold points of light like compass stars. He knew, without question, that they would not last. Sidious was there, behind him, somewhere. This one good thing would be torn from him too.

But what choice did he have?

_You have always had a choice._

Maul cowered.

_You chose to disobey. You chose to FAIL._

He found he was clinging tighter, claws sinking into his brother’s arm.

_Let go._

He didn’t.

_LET GO!_

“NO!” His eyes were shut tight and the word tore from him. The sound of his own voice threw him back to Lotho Minor. Underground, under fire, under smoke, till the breath was stolen from him.

The coughing and sobbing were one and the same. Sparks swam in his eyes, bright as lightning. As much as he wanted to let go of Savage, as much as he knew the pain that was coming if he didn’t, he still couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.


End file.
